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Everything's bigger in Texas: bigger hair, bigger cows, bigger gay scene. While New York and California may seem to be the gay champions of the U.S., Texas is beginning to give them a run for their money, especially in Houston. The gay scene in Houston is just as voluptuous as the straight scene; but, because it's the gay scene, it's prettier and better smelling. With posh, high-end nightclubs pandering to the stunningly clad and simple hometown bars serving up southern comfort with a karaoke chaser, this city manages to cover virtually every end of the recreation spectrum. To name just a few, there's a kinky leather bar for the burly boys, a wild dance club that's so good even straight people find themselves flooding into it and one seriously impressive four-bars-under-one-roof lesbian Mecca.
Bartini
1318 Westheimer, Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.526.2271
Bartini is a hip Houston dance club split into two levels with two very different vibes, but well connected through the technological marvel of video cameras and the architectural marvel of the staircase. Bartini's downstairs main dance playground is presided over by two well-stocked bars and a throbbing sound system as a mouthpiece for the slick DJs while upstairs this Houston dance club sports a chill lounge with cigars of all things and another bar. Big Brotheresque patrons and legit-minded voyeurs can keep an eye on the partiers grinding on the dance floor through televisions broadcasting everything the aforementioned video cameras see.
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Chances
1100 Westheimer Rd., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.523.7217
Four solid bars under one roof—Chances, Chi Chi Martini Bar, the G Spot and The New Barn—ensure that all women are taken care of all the time. Chances has a definitive Houston neighborhood bar feel; laid back and decidedly come as you are. The Chi Chi Martini Bar turns up the swank meter becoming a hip lesbian hangout for low beats and chilling while at the G Spot, bass pumping dance tracks command the frenetic crowd. The New Barn Saloon rounds out the quartet with its country western straw on the floor feel. Heck, with all this, Chances has a lock on the Houston lesbian community, but you know all are welcome.
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Club Eve
2205 Richmond Ave., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.523.3837
Club Eve is a chic lesbian playground above Azteca's in Houston that caters to well-heeled fems looking for a chill place to socialize and groove. The cocktails are poured strong and fast at Club Eve while on the weekends some slick DJs command the decks and bring the party up a few notches.
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Decades
1205 Richmond Ave., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.521.2224
Decades in Houston is like a neighborhood gay bar with a slew of regulars either mingling or just keeping to themselves as they put down the cheap cocktails from the well stocked bar. Middle aged professionals and those who've retired the boardroom for the barstool make up the Decades crowd and the jukebox provides a decent musical backdrop. Homage is paid to Decades regulars past and present on a wall of fame.
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Guava Lamp
570 Waugh Dr., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.524.3359
The see and be seen gay bar for men in Houston is the Guava Lamp that packs the crowds into their sleek ultramodern space to be treated to a night of partying decadence. At the Guava Lamp you've got your lounge seats, your plush booths and your well-stocked, premium bar, but the real action is on the dance floor. With DJs cutting through the chatter spinning deep house and every danceable track imagined, the dance floor at the Guava Lamp represents the pinnacle of the gay bar dance scene in Houston.
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JR's Bar & Grill
808 Pacific St., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.521.2519
JR's Bar and Grill, the anchorman of the Houston gay bar scene, is always packed with a stylish fraternity of youngish gay men and their hetero-female hanger-ons reveling in the spacious, cruise-friendly atmosphere. Anyone will tell you that JR's is the place to be on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the amateur strip show and karaoke nights, respectively. The amateur strip night at JR's has established itself as a Houston gay bar institution with an always acerbic host perpetually ready with a comeback that hilariously cuts to the bone and the Thursday karaoke is probably Houston's biggest belt 'em out gay party.
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Keys West
817 W. Dallas St., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.571.7870
At Keys West, a boisterous gay bar in Houston, older regulars crowd around the piano—no freakin' karaoke machine here—to belt out their favorite tunes, sing along and dance in merriment. Keys West also has pool tables for non-song distractions and a blackjack table, but before your gambling bug starts doing its itchy dance, it's just for fun and not money. The bartenders at Keys West in Houston claim to make the best cosmopolitans of any bar, gay or otherwise, and judging by the rate of which the pink martini libation flowed out of the bar, we're apt to believe them.
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Mary's Lounge
1022 Westheimer Rd., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.527.9669
Mary's Lounge is a stalwart of the Houston gay bar scene. It's been around forever—they claim to be the oldest bar in Houston, but that's debatable—and Mary's Lounge is still packing them in. The décor is local divey with a heavy dose of visual aids thrown in and the Houston gay scene wouldn't have it any other way.
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Meteor
2306 Genesee St., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.521.0123
Houston's sleek post-modern futuristic lounge Meteor is well stocked with fashionable young gay men sitting on their cooler than cool sofas and divans sipping cocktails to the up-tempo beats and pulsating video displays. Everybody's incredibly friendly, from the staff to the patrons, at Meteor and they also host some of the best theme nights of any bar including drag queen bingo, pro ladies happy hours and a raucous Sunday night karaoke.
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Michael's Outpost
1419 Richmond Ave., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.520.8446
A small neighborhood style gay bar mainly filled with a little older clientele, Michael's Outpost in Houston serves up casual drinking on the cheap with a happy hour that lasts longer than most bar's operating hours.
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Ripcord
715 Fairview St., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.521.2792
Houston's gay leather clad scene has been frequenting the legendary Ripcord for more than a few decades. This S&M bar accommodates burly, leathered and Levi-ed men into, well, into that sort of thing, of which there must be many carousing around Houston because Ripcord is continually packed. As an added bonus, there's a full service leather shop attached to the bar.
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South Beach
810 Pacific St., Houston, Texas; Tel. 713.529.7623
Houston's premier gay dance club, South Beach has a definite lock on being the hottest scene around even though they blast the gyrating club crowd with dry ice every hour in attempts to cool off the vibe. There's two very busy bars catering to the hedonistic revelers at South Beach and plenty of eye candy to keep the orbs busy including male exotic dancers and some decidedly un-PG rated video projections. Don't think, however, that because South Beach is primarily a gay club dance mecca there's not a healthy contingent of women and straights soaking up the hot scene, Saturday's especially see about a 50/50 mix.
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—Houston gay & lesbian bar reviews by Ryan Osterbeck
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